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Kenny Powers quotes from 5 of Season 1 (11 quotes)
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When my as was 34 years old, I quit professional baseball. I haven't played professionally for several years now. But in my heart, I quit for real this time. Tonight. It's time I accept the fact that the glory days of my life are now behind me. Just like Neil Armstrong, I went to space and now I'm back and nobody gives a shit. Therefore, I will now settle into this new life. I'll find new ways in which to use this arm. I will take my current responsibilities seriously, and try to do them the best that I possibly can. And realizing that the love of my life has chosen another, I will move forward without her. I do all these things not because I want to, but because I have to. From this moment forward, Kenny Powers is just like everyone else. Normal, not special. No hopes, or dreams. Pretending to be happy when he's really super sad. Just an average guy, with exceptional hair. Nothing more, and nothing less. From this moment forward, the People's Champion, the Shelby Sensation, the Reverse Apache Master, the Man with the Golden Dick, Doctor Cock and Balls-- that Kenny Powers is now dead. And he will never pick up a baseball ever fucking again.
— Kenny Powers
Season 1   Episode 5,         Comment
Kenny Powers days of burning ass are done. And that's not a homosexual reference.
— Kenny Powers
Season 1   Episode 5,         Comment
I just figured I might as well look the part. Just a normal regular teacher with no hopes or dreams. Absolutely nothing. Just waiting to die. Just like you guys.
— Kenny Powers
Season 1   Episode 5,         Comment
I'm just like you now Dustin, just kinda calm and weak.
— Kenny Powers
Season 1   Episode 5,         Comment
Hey, nothing, you city bitch.
— Kenny Powers
Season 1   Episode 5,         Comment
I'm about to have a fuckin' panic attack. I need four Xanax and two Miller Lights.
— Kenny Powers
Season 1   Episode 5,         Comment
I don't cry, motherfucka.
— Kenny Powers
Season 1   Episode 5,         Comment
Clegg, you got those fucking 'roids? Well what is it dude? Don't keep me in suspense. I've got a fucking duel to go to. Clegg! Oxycotton? Man, I'm not trying to get fucked up, I'm trying to strike this motherfucker out! ... Clegg, wait. I didn't mean I didn't want some for later.
— Kenny Powers
Season 1   Episode 5,         Comment
Think it'll keep fresh in my sock?
— Kenny Powers
Season 1   Episode 5,         Comment
It's just that we were there, and then we were... we were touching each other and then... I saw those tits, and then I started feeling your ass, and I started breathing heavy, and I almost got a headache and then my vision started to go all colorful... then I just came in my pants.
— Kenny Powers
Season 1   Episode 5,         Comment
You're goddamn right I did. I was aiming for his fucking eye! I got my pitch back!
— Kenny Powers
Season 1   Episode 5,         Comment